“failure means you’re going somewhere you haven’t been before.”

Laura balances on tip-toes with the other leg in the air. Balancing and falling are great ways to work with your central nervous system to decouple the feeling of activation from a sense of danger.

For some of us, learning that it’s okay to fail is a life skill that pays off big. In a recent Fighting Monkey workshop with the incredible Elke Schroeder, she encouraged us to try to fail at least 40% of the time (and more, if we felt up for it). In the movement “task” we were working on, failing meant falling out of balance.

“Failure means you’re going somewhere you haven’t been before,” she said. I knew just what she meant.

I lived in a state of chronic hyper-vigilance for several years. I know all too well how it feels to be on-edge, jumpy, and feeling as though something terrible is about to happen. My sympathetic nervous system was in full throttle, ready to save me from whatever danger it perceived. A beeping horn in traffic would send my pulse racing, temperature hot, breath short and fast.


Because I had learned to equate the feeling of activation in the body (faster pulse, heat rising, etc.) with danger that needed to be avoided, I did everything that I could to avoid it. No scary movies, no excess caffeine, no loud noises.

It was during this time that my personal trainer set me up with a piece of balancing equipment (it was an Axius Core Trainer— they’re pretty amazing) and asked me to do some squats. The task itself was simple and logically, I could see that it was totally safe. The worst-case scenario was that the board wobbled and one edge hit the floor. At the same time, inside my body, I felt as though I was in mortal danger. I was nauseated, my skin was clammy, and I desperately wanted to get out of the situation.

Although I would not have (during that time) chosen to put myself into a situation that felt so deliberately stressful, it was exactly what I needed. In giving myself that time to feel the experience in my body, and then a few moments after completing the task to integrate and come back into my window of capacity, I taught my nervous system that it is possible to experience activation, live through it successfully, and return to a more regulated state.

Our movement practice, when done in a safe and controlled environment, is the perfect place to begin to de-couple the threat response from a feeling of activation. In other words, we can learn to experience heightened arousal (pulse rising, breath speeding up, etc) as anticipation or excitement rather than fear.

How do we work with this? First, we need a safe space to practice. Whether that’s in the privacy of our own home, or with a trusted teacher or coach, we can find some curiosity around the experience. If failure is just visiting a place we haven’t been before, then we can see how it feels to be a tourist– check out the scenery.

Whether you simply put yourself into a challenging position (as in a balance pose that feels stressful) or allow yourself to fall, or fail, the key is to let yourself feel what happens. Experience the activation in the body. Does your temperature rise, do you feel your muscles tensing, are you breathing more quickly? Whether you fall or not, perform the exercise, and then give yourself permission to feel the relief as your mind and body regulate you back to a calmer state. Take a moment to let that feeling really install itself in your body. Repeat as needed.

Elke’s words reminded me that our movement practice is a great place to practice failure and strengthen our resilience. The more we repeat this experience, the more we re-pattern our brains with this new neuronal path. We become more confident and durable as we learn to live through these cycles of activation and regulation. We can aim to fail more often, taking bigger risks, not just in our movement practices, but in our lives and work.

core stability from the inside out

My understanding of core work has changed over the years, but for a long time, I understood it as primarily a need to “strengthen the abdominals” in order to “support the back.” In order to accomplish this, I had my students do supine core work with their lower back “glued” the floor; I instructed them to “hollow the belly” and to “pull their belly-button toward the spine.” Along the way, I began to hear more about “bracing” vs. “hollowing,” but it wasn’t until I really came to understand the anatomy of the diaphragm and experienced intra-abdominal pressure for myself that the lightbulb clicked on in my brain. I had a feeling of being supported in my lower abdomen and back that felt completely natural. I stopped sucking in my tummy all the time, and my instagram pics looked less svelte, but my kettlebell swings improved and I care a lot more about that.

There are some incredible resources out there for you to read about this topic, but since you made it to my page, I’ll give you a really simple overview to get you started, and then you can decide if you want to read more or try it for yourself.

Meet Your Diaphragm


This picture illustrates the dome-like shape of the diaphragm, tucked neatly away below the heart and lungs. As you breathe in, the diaphragm drops slightly down; the lungs expand. As you breathe out, the diaphragm lifts back up; the lungs contract. You can watch a video of this here. Try breathing along with the video and see if you can imagine or sense this movement in your body.

While I’m sure you knew that the diaphragm was used for breathing, you may not have known that the diaphragm is also a postural stability muscle. Remember the last time you got really winded? You probably bent over and rested elbows or hands on your knees, or had to sit down. That’s because the diaphragm was working so hard it was no longer able to help hold you up.

Intra-Abdominal Pressure: The Inner Core

When all is going well and you’re able to breathe “optimally” (more on that in a minute), our inhale causes the diaphragm to drop down, increasing intra-abdominal pressure (IAP). Think for a moment of the air in your tires. When the tires are not fully inflated, they aren’t as stable or strong, right? No matter what the outside of the tire is made of, it’s not going to be very useful if it’s only half-inflated. The same is true with our inner core. If we are not stabilizing or pressurizing from the inside-out, all of the core exercises in the world are not going to make us as strong or stable as we’d like.

This is why hollowing, or “pulling the navel to the spine” is not terribly useful.

How Should We Be Breathing?

There’s no one “right way” to breathe. As we move around and respond to stimuli, our breathing naturally changes. Our breathing patterns are complex, and highly attuned to our nervous system.

All other things being equal, if we are in a calm, relaxed state, an inhale should allow the belly, sides, and low back to expand evenly as the diaphragm descends. The chest and shoulders should not have to move at all. Have you seen a sleeping baby, or puppy? That three-dimensional expansion of breath doesn’t move at all from the upper chest– it spills out down below.

Now, if we are experiencing a stress response, it is normal for the breath to become shallow and quick; In this case, the accessory muscles of breathing (scalenes, trapezius, sternocleidomastoid, pec major) work to lift the ribs, increasing the air that is taken in. For trauma survivors, or those of us living through prolonged stress, this style of breathing may have become second-nature. In these cases, you may not be able to get the diaphragm to move enough to experience that expansion. First, we would want to get you out of that stress response and into your window of capacity.

Want to Try it Out?

If you are feeling relatively un-stressed, you can give this a try. If you are not too relaxed, go dance around, throw a ball with a friend or a dog, or get yourself feeling a little more at ease, first.

Now: Lie down with your knees bent, soles of the feet on the floor. Bring your hands to your low abdomen, resting your fingers just inside your front hip points (ASIS). Wrap your hands around the side waist so that your thumbs are moving toward your back.

Breathe in here, and see if you can feel a gentle expansion of the belly, side waist, and back. It’s important to see if you can find it in all of these places and not just the front (which can indicate that you’re simply hinging from the rib-cage and not truly expanding the diaphragm). You will feel it more easily in some places than others. That’s normal. With time and practice, this gets much easier.

Check in with your chest: is it moving as you breathe? You can place a hand on the chest and see for yourself; or, use a mirror to watch yourself breathe, and look for movement.

“Brace Yourself!” and Movement

Once you’re able to breathe in this way lying down with knees bent, you can try it in other positions. Straightening both legs will be harder; sitting up, harder still. Eventually, you’ll be able to breathe naturally in this way while you’re standing and even during movement.

Abdominal bracing is a gentle pressurization from the inside out that supports us in a natural way. It is not a hardening or gripping of the lower abdominals. This type of engagement is counter-productive; it keeps the diaphragm from being able to descend.

If you have patterns of tension, trauma, or anxiety, be patient with yourself as you begin this work, especially if it feels painful, unpleasant or frightening. Many times the tension that we are holding there, or the breathing pattern we’re using, is helping to “hold ourselves together,” literally and figuratively. A somatic therapist can be helpful in unwinding body tension patterns in a gradual, supportive way.

Resources For Further Learning:

letting in the good

Do you find yourself scanning through your Facebook feed or news sites these days, looking for the next bad news (this has a name now– doomscrolling!)? Do you feel like you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop? Does it seem like it’s hard to find anything good at all, some days? It’s not your fault, friends– it’s our DNA.

Staying alive over the past 10,000 years hasn’t been easy. Conflicts with other humans, starvation, illness, injury, parasites, and the threat of predators were omnipresent. In order to survive and pass on their genes, our ancestors had to learn to recognize and avoid danger. As a result, our brain developed a unique solution– a “negativity bias.”

Our brain is always looking for potential hazards, from social (is this other human angry?) to global (is the pandemic going to change life as we know it on this earth?). This constant scan is present even when we’re in our window of capacity— that is, even when things are going pretty well. When we experience a stress response of any kind, our vigilance for threat is even more heightened. It can feel as though it’s taking over. It’s hard to think about anything else.

Negativity Bias: It’s a Real Thing

Neuropsychologist Rick Hanson explains our brain places more value on negative experiences than it does on positive ones. We store our negative experiences in our memory more easily, and this can lead to what he calls a “vicious circle:”

“Over time, negative experiences make the amygdala even more sensitive to the negative. This snowballing effect occurs because the cortisol that the amygdala signals the hypothalamus to call for enters the bloodstream and flows into your brain, where it stimulates and strengthens the amygdala. Now the alarm bell of your brain rings more easily and more loud. Making matters worse, even after the danger has passed or turns out to be a false alarm, it takes many minutes to metabolize cortisol out of your body…

..In the meantime, in a one-two punch, the cortisol in your brain overstimulates, weakens, and eventually kills cells in your hippocampus, gradually shrinking it. This is a problem because the hippocampus helps you put things in perspective while also calming down your amygdala and telling your hypothalamus to quit calling for stress hormones. So now it’s harder to put the one thing going wrong in the context of the many things going right.” -Rick Hanson, “Hardwiring Happiness”.

He goes on to explain that research demonstrates that positive experiences (feeling pleasure, comfort, joy, etc.) are less likely to be installed in our memories. We tend to zoom through the good moments, busy solving problems or scanning for more threat. We don’t take the necessary time to feel, appreciate, and notice the positive experience. Without consciously making an effort, the positive event will be so fleeting that it never has a chance to re-shape the brain.

Good News: Your Brain Can Change

The solution, Hanson says, lies in manually reprogramming our negativity bias into a positivity bias. We can do this by consciously “taking in the good;” pausing to notice the good feeling or experience. We activate it by noticing it, or even by creating it. This might be as simple as feeling a comfortable breath, or looking at the face of a loved one.

Next, he says, we take a moment to install the good experience in your brain. We do this by “enriching it,” staying with the positive experience for 5-10 seconds. As you do this, open to the feelings of the good experience. Let it fill your mind, or notice how it feels in your physical body. Encourage the experience to be more intense; recognize its relevance, how it could help you or make a difference in your life. This teaches your neurons to fire in a new pattern– one that you will learn to repeat again and again.

Finally, we “absorb” the experience. Imagine, or visualize, the experience sifting down into you, or that you are breathing the experience into your whole being. If you’re more pragmatic, you might see this as the installation of a new software program to form a new circuit in your brain. In this way, the experience becomes a resource that you can draw on again and again.

I’ve been working with this “taking in the good” practice for a while and find that it’s been quite helpful. While I do have a regular habit of practicing gratitude and mindfulness, it’s clear to me that there are hundreds, even thousands of opportunities to “take in the good” throughout my day that I’ve been missing. This practice is so simple, but in the midst of a pandemic– when it can feel as though there is so much for my brain to worry about– it has real potential to lift my spirits. I have no doubt things will continue to be challenging. I feel hopeful that installing a more robust positivity bias will support my health and give me better resources to support others.

Want to try “taking in the good” with me? Here is a 10 minute video I created to practice together. If you like it, leave a comment and let me know how it worked for you!

movement capacity & mental health

Your body is the way that you experience the world. 

Although you might imagine that you can feel as others do, “putting yourself in their shoes,” ultimately, everything in your experience is driven by the information your body provides to you. 

Our bodies are our mind’s proxy in the world. Through our five senses, we take in the experience of the world around us, translating it through the lens of our mind into a story that only we can write. Proprioception (provided in part by the joints of our body) tells us where we are in space. Our body may also have extensions of itself: hearing aids, contact lenses, wheelchairs. These help us navigate and explore our world with greater confidence and clarity. 

Laura sits in a 90/90 position often used in Functional Range Conditioning or Kinstretch work for mobility, specifically internal rotation of the rear leg and external rotation of the front leg.

When we have an injury or lose range of motion in a joint (for example, a shoulder), we are no longer able to move as freely there. The brain doesn’t receive as much information from that joint. Pain signals tell us that we should limit our range of motion, so we become more guarded and less free in our movements. In this way, a loss of confidence in our movement pattern corresponds to a loss of mental and emotional confidence. I know that when this has happened to me, I avoided activities I previously enjoyed. I experienced myself as more fragile and dependent. 

Conversely, what happens when we are able to regain range of motion, or strengthen or stabilize a part of our body that we couldn’t use as well before? We feel capable, strong, more in charge of ourselves and our lives. Using the muscles of our body to lift something heavy, throw a ball, or grip an object translates to a greater sense of capacity and power. When we have more movement options– that is, if all of our joints have a full functional range for the activities that we want to do– we  don’t need to be afraid of injury. We can trust in our own ability to support ourselves. And if we’re in less pain, we have less fear, more trust in ourselves, and more energy to tackle life challenges. 

We should also note that there can be a similar sense of empowerment when we are provided with a tool that helps us to use our bodies better. Getting the right prescription for corrective lenses can be transformational. Employing a block in Triangle pose can change the body’s ability to feel strong, open, and steady in the shape. 

Improving our body’s ability to interact with the world around us is a key component in mental health, which is why it’s such an important part of my work.  I use the Functional Range System for myself and clients to safely improve and restore mobility. Mobility is a key word here– it implies not just flexibility (or passive range of motion), but the ability to be stable and strong within that range of motion. 

Health and the ability to move well are privileges that we may not all enjoy in equal measure, and there are many conditions that might prevent us from being able to increase our movement capacity or strength. The focus for each individual client is always to capitalize on the body’s unique strengths, and to enhance its current capacities. I love the FRS system because each person can tailor it to their own needs, even in a group setting. 

We all deserve to feel confident and capable in our bodies and minds. Working with my own body in this way has liberated me in unexpected ways.  

If you’re interested in working with me, you can contact me for information on private sessions, or check out my new Kinstretch online class (which incorporates these principles) here. Equity pricing is available. 

resource yourself: my free habit tracker

One of the things I hear frequently from clients and students is how difficult it can be to maintain motivation, even when we know that a particular habit helps us to feel better. When the world feels chaotic and out of control, or our life circumstances change drastically, those habits seem less important as we’re simply trying to survive.

Making sure your basic needs are met has to come first, obviously. But once we’re back in our window of tolerance, each of us has our own ways to support mental, physical and emotional well-being. Whether that’s gardening, physical activity, meditation, FaceTime with a loved one, or anything else at all, there are resources that you use to create a healthy, sustainable structure for yourself. You know that if you can do those things, you’ll be better supported internally to handle the external turbulence.

And yet somehow, we don’t always seem to get around to doing those things we meant to do.

So: how do I stay “on track” to support myself? .

I began using a habit tracker a few months ago.

I use it as a tool for both accountability (to help create and maintain habits) and to track trends over time. I use a paper version because I am a tactile person and I enjoy the satisfaction of making check-marks every day. At the end of the month, I review my (now coffee-stained, crumpled) paper to see what worked well and what didn’t. Then, I can make changes to my goals for the following month.

This is not a tool for shame or guilt. Instead, it’s a compass to keep me on track with the habits and resources I find useful to support my physical and mental wellness, work (paid and unpaid) that is important to me, creativity and growth. For example, this month I wanted to prioritize anti-racism work, so I made sure that it was a daily item. When I noticed that two days had gone by without making a check-mark, I was able to regain focus.

It also helps me to analyze personal trends. Reviewing my June habits compared to my May habits, I did not complete as many online Kinstretch classes. The number of classes I filmed per week also fell in June. I understand that this was because I completed three online workshops in June that kept me busier than I was in May.

Laura Wenger's Habit Tracker- shows Laura's daily habits, including meditation, mobility, strength training, and more.

What happens if I have a day or a week where I just can’t seem to meet the goals?

In the past, I would have felt guilty for not doing the right thing. I am able to take a more holistic view now. I always keep two things in mind:

  1. I know there are days when I just won’t be able to meet the goal. Life happens and that’s okay.
  2. I remember why I set the goal in the first place.

Knowing these two things, I give myself permission to have days where I need to adjust my plans. If I start to feel guilty or anxious about not meeting the goal, I remember why I set it– not to adhere to some arbitrary external number, but because I want to support myself in some way.

On the other hand, if I find that I’m not making time for a particular habit consistently, I can decide whether or not this is a habit I want to prioritize.

I had “Cardio” listed on my tracker for May and June because I was curious how often I was making time for these– I didn’t set a goal. Only three times over the two months did I engage in a pure cardio session. However, I found that I was getting my heart-rate sufficiently elevated during my strength training sessions. For July, I might decide that I want to make more of an effort to attend my friend Tangela’s amazing WERQ dance classes because they’re so much fun, and then I would adjust my goals accordingly.

Keep in mind that these are your goals, or resources, or habits (frame it in a way that feels helpful for you). You don’t need to do 10,000 steps just because someone said it was a good idea. Think about what makes you feel happy, alive, grateful, or joyful. That’s where your tracker starts.

Rather than thinking of the Habit Tracker as a set of external rules to follow, I see it as a list of resources that lift me up and guide me where I want to go. It’s a work in progress and changes over time– because my life and my needs are constantly shifting. Make sense?

I’m including a link to download your very own copy of the Habit Tracker I use myself below.

I’d like to encourage you to be playful with it and use it in a fun way. As you fill it out, ask yourself: What supports me? What makes me feel good? How often do I do the things that I really love? Remember that what works for me might not work for you– including this Habit Tracker. If it feels like it just isn’t working for you, then recycle it and be done. Otherwise, I look forward to hearing what your experience is. Happy Tracking!

tolerating big mistakes

I’m reading David Epstein’s book “Range” this week– it’s a fantastic book that talks about how generalists, rather than specialists, are primed for success. I love the book because it tells us that those of us who are “frequent quitters” will end up with the most satisfying careers; that failing a test is the best way to learn; and that generalists often find their path later in life. Having sampled other paths, they are creative, agile, and can make mental connections that specialists may not be able to see.

Image of Laura holding the book Range by David Epstein. This book is a must-read for anyone who wants to understand how being trained in multiple disciplines makes you more effective overall. A great read for yoga teachers, movement professionals, or folks who are changing careers!

I am therefore now not too proud to say now that I have been a “frequent quitter,” and that I’ve tried many paths that did not work for me. Leaving out the early defeats (Girl Scouts, 4H, softball, etc), we can pick up in my 20’s with my Bachelor’s degree in Spanish; my career as an artist; my customer service/banking career; my culinary degree and subsequent failure to thrive as a personal chef. We should probably also include my two marriages, since they were not ultimately successful.

For years, I felt deeply shamed by all of these– that somehow, by not managing to make these things work, I was a failure myself. Or maybe the character flaw was that I was a bad chooser in the first place; that I was passionate about things that didn’t turn out to be a good fit. There were times where I felt like I couldn’t go on; that my mistakes were too terrible and bad, and there was no good way forward.

“Desirable difficulties,” says Eptsein’s book, are “obstacles that make learning more challenging, slower, and more frustrating in the short term, but better in the long term.” While the book’s researchers were studying university students’ ability to learn vocabulary, I think the metaphor works well here. The “wrong turns” I took in my early 20’s turned out to be the learning experiences I needed to grow into the adult that I am: creative, flexible, resourceful.

Even more interesting to me was what the researchers called “the hypercorrection” effect: “The more confident a learner is of their wrong answer, the better the information sticks when they subsequently learn the right answer. Tolerating big mistakes can create the best learning opportunities.”

“The more confident a learner is of their wrong answer, the better the information sticks when they subsequently learn the right answer. Tolerating big mistakes can create the best learning opportunities.”

-William epsTein, range: why generalists triumph in a specialized world

My younger self was often quite (embarrassingly) confident of her choices, which meant that when it came time to admit defeat, it was sometimes a hard pill to swallow. There’s no doubt now those were the best learning opportunities. We remember most deeply the things that pain us the most.

Maya Angelou told us, “When you know better, you do better.” Our younger selves do the best they can so that our more mature selves can reap the benefits. Skills learned from earlier careers, relationships, and other “mistakes” translate into greater success in later life. R&B artist Ciara is a decade younger than I am, but she already knows:

Them old mistakes are gone, I won't do them no more 
That's old news, there's new news, I done did that before 
I turned nothing to something, my comeback on one hunnid' 
Less talking, more action, you just gon' see Ci coming 
I just keep elevating, no losses, just upgrading 
My lessons, made blessings, I turned that into money 
Thank God I never settled, this view is so much better 
I'm chilling, I'm winning, like on another level.

“If you cannot be vulnerable in your training, you cannot reach your potential.”

This week’s blog is inspired by an Instagram post by one of my favorite gyms-that-I’ve-never-been-to, 13th Flow in Chicago. I’m not sure how I had the luck to find and start following them a few years ago, but their consistent messages of positive empowerment are a bright spot of inspiration in my feed. Let me give you an example of their verbiage: their “About” page on their website says, ” Success isn’t built on shame and guilt, but on self-worth and pride in what you’re doing. You already possess everything you need to be who and what you want to be.” YES TO ALL OF THIS!

Since the murder of George Floyd and subsequent protests and country-wide social awakening, I’ve been quiet on my own Instagram account, trying to learn more, listen harder, and uplift Black voices. Since lots of other white accounts are doing the same, it’s been an opportunity for growth and education (and, remembering that this is unpaid education for most of us, I try to pay what I can through donations and payments to the content creators– most of them have a link to donate easily on their insta profiles).

Yesterday’s post from 13th Flow included a sentence that really hit me hard:

“If you cannot be vulnerable in your training, you cannot reach your potential.”

To be vulnerable means that we put ourselves at risk; we leave ourselves exposed, defenseless. To be vulnerable in our training– whether that’s in the gym, a group exercise class, or a yoga studio– means that we can be ourselves in utter honesty and authenticity. We can confess our inability to complete a rep or do a pose without pain. We can say, “that hurts,” or, “I can’t do it like that,” or “I don’t think that’s right for me today.” This truth is what helps us to find the right expression of a pose, or the right amount of weight, or the lateralization (not “modification”) of an exercise that will allow us to get stronger on our own terms in a safe and healthy way. Not only is it the only healthy and sane way to train, it’s the only sustainable way to train.

But to be vulnerable in our training means that we are undefended and open. Even as a white, able-bodied, cis-gendered human, it is often difficult for me to find an atmosphere that is so accepting, open and accessible that it allows me to feel comfortable in my own vulnerability. And that’s pretty sad.

Our fitness/wellness/health community often gives lip service to the idea of inclusivity and accessibility without actually providing accessible options or a truly welcoming atmosphere. A few of those reasons are lack of diversity in trainers/staff (“there’s nobody here who looks like me,”); diet or weight loss talk that puts a greater perceived value on certain types of bodies; a lack of training in staff around unconscious bias or how to serve diverse populations. Access to services may be restricted financially or literally (not being accessible for wheelchairs, for example).

I believe that one of the reasons well-intentioned efforts fail (including my own) is that we have not fully addressed our own internalized bias. Since birth, our culture has taught us that some bodies are better than others. It has made thin and white and able-bodied the default, and any variation on that is “other.” The dolls I played with as a child; the history I was taught in school; the magazines I loved as a teenager; movies, media, all messages showed me that there is one best way to be. It takes a lot (and I mean a LOT A LOT) of conscious, targeted work to root out these untruths. These myths continue to be prevalent in our wellness spaces.

“If you cannot be vulnerable in your training, you cannot reach your full potential.”

As a yoga teacher, mobility specialist, and personal trainer, it’s up to me to make space for my clients to feel vulnerable. That includes not just the poses or exercises we do, but how I speak to my clients, the space we train or practice in, and the messages they see me sending publicly through social media, in verbal communication with them, and in our nonverbal communication. I’m committed to doing more work to change what what an equitable wellness, fitness and health culture would look like.

Real wellness– real freedom– is freedom to be vulnerable. It’s freedom to reach your full potential. How does this resonate with you? What is your experience of vulnerability in your yoga practice, or gym, or with your personal trainer? What, if anything, has prevented you from being authentically vulnerable?

More Than Love and Light

I don’t want your love and light if it doesn’t come with solidarity and action.” -Writer and activist Rachel Elizabeth Cargle

In the wake of the past week’s events in the United States following the murder of Mr. George Floyd, I struggled with whether or not to write a blog or a newsletter this week– as a white woman, it’s time to step aside and give the marginalized folks a chance to grieve, mourn, and be heard.

It also feels important to use this (small) platform to speak up, not least of all because the yoga community is often a place where white silence thrives. There is work to be done and there are things we can do today to make change.

So today I’m going to share the words and work of a few brilliant black activists whose work I support. If any of this resonates with you, please support them financially by purchasing their printed work or donating to them directly (I’ll provide links as we go). This post is written for my fellow white yoga and dharma students. It’s time for us to do more.

“Why can’t we just love each other?” “I don’t see color.” “If everyone would just do yoga, the world would be a different place.” “I don’t talk about illness or poverty, I only want to manifest abundance and health.” These are all examples of something called spiritual bypassing. This the ugly underbelly of the “love and light” yoga community. As you can see in the image below from yoga teacher and dismantling racism trainer Michelle Cassandra Johnson (be sure to click the arrows on the right side of the picture to read the full post), spiritual bypassing means “using the spiritual practice to escape from or avoid the reality of the misalignment, imbalance and abuse of power in our culture…(it) posits that we can pray, move, breathe, practice asana and meditate oppression away. We cannot.”

This is an excerpt from Michelle’s Skill in Action Workbook (available to download on her website right now), which includes prompts and questions to help us to unpack our own internalized ideas and beliefs about race and privilege. Along with her first book, Skill in Action, this is a resource for yoga students and teachers to deepen spiritual growth and their understanding of yoga philosophy. I have found it personally powerful and impactful.

Spiritual bypassing is a form of white silence. Layla F Saad’s essential handbook, Me and White Supremacy (the hard copy is sold out as of today, but you can download it immediately as an e-book) tells us: “White silence seems benign. And, if not benign, then it could at least be believed to be a stance of neutrality, like the old adage, ‘If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.’ But white silence is anything but neutral. Rather, it is a method of self-protection and therefore also the protection of the dynamics of white supremacy.

Yoga teachers and yoga students (myself included) often think that our positive intentions are enough– that, for example, by meditating on lovingkindness for all beings, we’re doing our part. Intent is not enough. Our silence harms others, and ourselves.

Yoga and meditation are practices of liberation. Our very own liberation and well-being is tied to others’. “Nobody’s free until everybody’s free,” as Fannie Lou Hamer told us. We are all harmed by the idea that some bodies are superior to others.

This brings us to one last resource for you: Reverend angel Kyodo williams, or @zenchangeangel, as she’s known on instagram.

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Repost from @lamarodowens • You need to get hip to this wisdom if you haven’t already. #teamradicaldharma with my comrades @zenchangeangel and @dr_jasmine_syedullah with @natlanticbooks. ・・・ “It wouldn’t be an overstatement to say that the discovery and assertion of Siddhartha Gautama, the historic Buddha—that every human being, irrespective of caste, race, creed, or birth has within them the potential for waking up to the ultimate nature of reality—is one of the most radically life-altering propositions for human life on and in relationship to the planet. One that we need right now. . Yet, at this time when the Dharma is needed more acutely than ever—a time when our very existence is threatened as a result of our socially embedded greed, hatred, and ignorance—its expansive potential to liberate us from suffering is in danger of being rendered impotent because it is held in subjugation to the very systems that it must thoroughly examine…Much of what is being taught is the acceptance of a “kinder, gentler suffering” that does not question the unwholesome roots of systemic suffering and the structures that hold it in place. What is required is a new Dharma, a radical Dharma that deconstructs rather than amplifies the systems of suffering, that starves rather than fertilizes the soil of the conditions that the deep roots of societal suffering grow in. A new Dharma is one that insists we investigate not only the unsatisfactoriness of our own minds but also prepares us for the discomfort of confronting the obscurations of the society we are individual expressions of. It recognizes that the delusions of systemic oppression are not solely the domain of the individual. By design, they are seated within and reinforced by society. We must wake up and cut through not only individual but also social ego. This is not only our potential, but we now each have it as our collective responsibility….there is no neutral.” . . #radicaldharma #getintheconversation #blacklivesmatter

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In her book Radical Dharma, Reverend williams writes with Lama Rod Owens and Dr. Jasmine Syedullah about the possibility of a new spirituality that encompasses a whole-hearted approach to love and equity. I want to share one final passage with you today from this work:

Not only has white supremacy robbed red, Black, brown, and yellow people of the spirit-given human right to life and liberty, it has also so thoroughly programmed and policed white people as to who and how they could love– determining entire groups of people unworthy– that the entirety of our descended culture suffers from a severely atrophied relationship to the most animating, enlivening, equalizing force gifted to the human experience.

Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Do you remember when you first learned how to practice yoga, or meditate? You made mistakes; you got frustrated. You turned to teachers to help, or you found online resources. You tried new ways of doing things and discovered that some of your preconceptions were wrong. You may have felt defensive or even ashamed. Doing the work of learning about racism is much the same. It’s messy; we’re going to make mistakes. Just as we did on our yoga mat, we need to keep going. We have years (truly, generations) of old patterns to examine and restructure. That’s why it’s so important to be kind, and patient, and to understand that we don’t need to know it all right away. Me and White Supremacy offers an easy-to-follow way to learn so that we can not only change our own minds but learn how to take action in the world.

“May all beings have happiness. May all beings be free from suffering.” This prayer resonates with us so much in our yoga practices because we are good people and we want to do good work. Anti-racism work is a very tangible, practical and crucial way that we can put this aspiration into practice. Our yoga and meditation practices have taught us so much. Now, it’s time to continue to grow. It’s time to move beyond love and light and stand, as Rachel Cargle asks us to, in solidarity and action with those who have not shared our privilege.

in a “no excuses” world, let’s give ourselves permission

Scrolling through my fitness-heavy Instagram feed, I sometimes see “motivational” quotes like these:

Laura and her small, white dog Ava curled up on a yoga mat. Ava is looking at Laura as though she is sad and needs comfort.

“Never miss a Monday!”

“No excuses… work out at home using a throw pillow and a can of soup!”

“The meal plan you need to finally lose those 10 pounds”

This kind of “get your shit together” inspo has never worked for me. I guess it’s working for somebody, or these businesses would be failing, but it has the opposite effect on me.

When you tell me, “no excuses,” I feel defensive.

When you tell me, “never miss a Monday,” I want to tell you that you don’t know how my body feels.

When you tell me that something is wrong with my body, my life, my way of living, I am angry not just for myself but for all of the other people who don’t conform with that sales pitch.

And yet, I’m a fitness professional, and I have services to sell, too. I’m just not going to market to anyone’s fears or insecurities. Maybe I won’t ever be as successful as the fear-based “no pain, no gain” instacelebrities, but I’m okay with that.

My marketing strategy is simple– I talk to you the way I want to be talked to.

Let’s give ourselves permission.

Permission to:

  • take care of your body, mind and spirit in whatever way you think is best
  • remember that accessibility to health and wellness services is a privilege
  • think critically about what you’re reading and watching
  • ask questions about things that don’t make sense
  • unfollow accounts that make you feel guilty, shameful, or less-than
  • know that you and only you are the expert on your lived experience
  • try new things and see how they feel
  • learn for yourself what works best for you
  • find movement practices that feel good to you
  • find ways to enjoy life in the body you have
  • stick to disciplines that improve the quality of your life
  • take a rest day/week/month when you need one
  • change your mind as often as you need to. we’re allowed to grow
  • disagree with popular culture
  • know that food can nourish your body, but also your heart & soul too; it’s okay to eat what you’re craving
  • all bodies are equally valuable, regardless of health or outer appearance
  • trust your intuition
  • ask for help when you need it
  • connect with and learn from people that resonate with you
  • seek teachers and coaches that you like, trust and believe in
  • find what inspires you from within, and
  • be fiercely loyal to what matters most
  • share messages that speak to your heart/soul/spirit
  • do your best and let that be enough

How would it feel for you to give yourself this permission? What else would you add to the list?

working WITH your stress response: three practices you can use to feel better now

In our last post, we learned that simply understanding our body’s response to stress will help us to avoid its negative effects. Now, it’s time to dive into some physical practices we can use to move through a stress response.

Now that we’ve learned about the way our bodies respond to stress, you’ve probably had some time to think about how stress feels in your own body. Maybe it’s a tightness in your neck, shoulders, chest or jaw (tooth-grinders, anyone?); or maybe you tend to tense up in your hip flexors. Some people feel stress in their digestive system– from butterflies to straight-up GI distress. You might feel an excess of energy– an inability to sit still, or irritability, a feeling that you need to do something. This is the fight-or-flight response.

Or, you might feel tired, sluggish, depressed, sleepy, numb, disconnected– the freeze response.

One of the best tools we have at our disposal for working with our body and mind to handle stress is learning to recognize what we’re experiencing, and to remember that your body is here to take care of you. This isn’t always easy when we’re feeling caught up in a stress response, but there are some accessible, safe ways to do this that we can train ourselves to do. Let’s try one now.

Coming Home To Your Resources Practice: Read the instructions first, and then give this a try. Look away from your screen and let your eyes track around the space that you’re in. What do you see? Can you notice anything that feels pleasant to look at? Try naming it to yourself: white door, red pillow, blue mat. For many of us, this will have an immediately calming effect. Keep your eyes open, and see if you can feel the surface that you are sitting on. Where are you in contact with it? Can you feel your hips or your legs, and how they are supported? Finally, notice your breathing. Feel that your body is breathing. Simply bringing your awareness to your breath can help you to notice what is happening, and is a reminder of your own internal resources. You might simply stay with these three resources: visual objects to see with your eyes, sensation of support under the body, and the breath. Or, if you like, now you can start to notice any other sensations in the body. Where do you feel tension, or tightness? Where is your body breathing? Is it high in your chest? If you feel overwhelmed or you don’t want to do this type of inquiry, return to one of your three resources and feel that as you breathe.

Whether you are experiencing acute stress (something really difficult is happening to you right now), or you’re under the effects of chronic stress (a pandemic, for example), your body is going to do its best to provide you with the resources you need to handle the stress you’re under. Our neuroception (ability to perceive threat) has told our system that there’s a problem, and now it’s up to our body to do something with the energy so that we can move through the response, discharge the energy, and return to our rest-and-digest state.

Of course, the problem is that the stress may not always be something that we can respond to by fighting or fleeing. If we have a fight with a co-worker, we probably won’t resort to fisticuffs. Nor can we run away from some stress, especially when it’s unrelenting and recurring.

So, how do we deal with this pent-up energy? We can use physical movement to discharge the energy. We can easily see this in animals. The other day I was walking with my dog, Ava. Parked on the street was a Truly Nolan truck– the one with the big mouse ears on top. She stopped and growled at it. After a moment, she backed up, walked away, and shook herself all over. It was as though it had never happened. We can do this, too:

Shaking Practice: I often include this as part of my yoga classes. It’s easy: you just begin to lightly shake out the hands and wrists. Let the movement increase naturally, shaking out the arms, leaning forward or back if seated, or rocking side to side. If the arms want to move away from the body or overhead, see how that feels. If standing you can shake out the legs and feed, too, and move around naturally as you do. When you feel like you’ve had enough, stop. Notice how you’re breathing, and whether or not you feel anything different in the body. Are you breathing more easily? Does any tension in your body feel different? Do you feel as though you have more energy, or less? Do you have any impulse to move in a different way? Do you want to connect with others, or smile, or laugh? All of these are signs that your ventral vagal complex is coming back online– you’re dropping out of fight or flight.

Of course, shaking is not the only way to move through a fight-or-flight response. Some people go for a run, or move through a physical yoga practice, or find a different practice that works for them. But shaking is a quick, easy way to move some energy when you don’t have time, room, or the ability to do something else.

What if you are stuck in a freeze response? For many years, this was my go-to response to stress. I would fall asleep at the first sign of conflict (no, I’m not joking!). As we’ve learned, these responses can look different on everyone, but if you find yourself feeling a little bit sleepy, spacey, numb, or lethargic, you might try being a little bit playful with yourself.

Challenge Your Balance Practice: Depending on your ability to balance, you will need to make this more or less challenging for yourself. Personally, I like to do this one with a yoga block. It’s easy– take off your shoes, if you’re able, and step onto a yoga block with one foot. Lift your other foot away from the ground so the knee is bent in front of you. If you find balance easy here, you may need to challenge yourself a little bit more by moving your floating leg around in the air, or by looking around the room. Treat it as a playful exercise– it is! If standing is not an option, you can challenge yourself by tossing a small ball in the air and catching it. Let it be easy enough that you can be successful (don’t deliberately make the ball hard to catch!), but challenging enough that you require some alertness.

Challenging your balance is a way of “waking up” your body from the freeze response. Priority number one for your body is not to let you fall over (or to get hit in the face with a ball), so it will bring your senses back online to help you stay safe. After either of these challenge exercises, as with the shaking exercise, take a moment or two to see how you feel. Can you notice your pulse moving differently, or your breath? Do you feel a different level of energy?

My invitation to you is that you try playing with these different exercises, and come up with your own variations. Or, let me know what’s already working for you! Once we understand the basic physiology of stress, and especially, how your unique body responds to it, we can become really skillful at managing our own stress response.

Want to move more? Click here to check out my “Work with Your Stress Response” slow flow class on YouTube.